Saturday, 4 April 2009

Movie Review: New York Minute

Like I mentioned yesterday, Manatee and Edge finally moved into their new place and I was issued the invite (first on the list obviously) for dinner and a movie - naughty:) Manatee asked me to bring over some dvds because we were feeling like a big night and when we're feeling wild on a Friday night out comes the dvds! Bitches be crazy!
So I thought I'd throw in a little twist to the movie selection and packed arguably the worst movie ever made, Ed Wood's 'Plan 9 From Outer Space'



and the Olsen twins classic 'New York Minute'.



It seems you can watch the whole of NYM on Youtube - sure there must be some sort of legal issue there, I'm keeping mum...

You will notice that I've embedded PART 4 of the film and that's no accident. See the very reason why two guys in their twenties will watch such harmless drivel lies in the pixels of this clip.

This film contains:

  • NO Swearing
  • NO Violence (unless you consider Jack Osbourne's cameo acting debut violent... wait, ok so there is a little violence)
  • NO Littering
  • NO Political commentary
  • NO Existential musings
Nothing!

But I hear you holla (I'm down with the language the kids are jivin' these days)

YOU'LL: Yo, Mike you didn't be mentioning no nudity yo! Do the twins get it on like we've always dreamed? Do they finally do that thing together where one of them has to wear that thing and and and and?

Well the answer to that is a disappointing NO but I didn't put it in the list for good reason. See there's a reason these two little minx's are billionaires and it's not as Manatee put it last night, 'knowing their target market'. No siree... It goes deeper than that. Who do you think buys the dvds for the little Ashley/Mary Kate wannabes? Who shells out the cash? Daddy that's who! And you know why daddy doesn't mind parting with his hard earned cash for a copy of this B-movie (at best)? It's the prospect of mmmmmmaaaaaaybe seeing a little side boob or a yummy little sneak at a crevice of butt cleavage - that's why! We all know, and Manatee and I discussed this at length last night, that there is not a line-of-coke's chance that there will be an ounce of nudity in this film and yet we gaze on at the screen, hoping, praying that Ashley (coz she's my baby) will show some nip.

New York Minute has it all; torn dresses (showing more leg, result), twins running around in matching towels, Ashley losing her towel, feelings of shame and guilt (on the viewers part, I won't believe these girls are legal until the sex tapes come out, preferably staring both in one, rather than one of the sisters in separate films - in an ideal world). We laughed, we cried, we held each other. But when the credits rolled all I was left with was an awkward semi that I had to do my best to hide from esteemed colleague in film reviewage. I'm sure he understood as I limped awkwardly home...

Verdict: Borrow it, just make sure you have some one to lie down with afterwards...

PS: All the action I've mentioned mostly happens in the clip I've provided - THAT'S how much I love you...

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